Who Am I?

Maile’s life consisted of schoolwork, reading, and sports. She was a good student, took her academics seriously, and was a strong competitor. For the most part, anyone looking into Maile’s life would consider her a good person, successful even. She was on the right track to living a successful and comfortable life. Being an avid reader since middle school, Maile’s favorite genre was fiction and dystopian novels. She constantly had her nose in a book when not competing. 

“My mood would match the personality of the main character of the book I was reading.”

“I could relate to many people in the books I read. I started living vicariously through the main characters. My mood would match the personality of the main character of the book I was reading.”

It wasn't long before this seemingly harmless hobby started having deeper effects on Maile. As she jumped from one protagonist to the next, she was leaving pieces of who she actually was, who God made her to be, behind.

“This way of living did not satisfy me or last long. I felt like a shell instead of a real person. I thought I would find peace and security at the end of the book, but it only satisfied me for a short period of time.

Maile’s parents started to notice the subtle shifts in her mood. She was irritable and felt distant. She wasn’t interested in church or talking about Jesus; however, they remained patient and kind to Maile as she searched for identity. 

“My mom and dad loved the Lord so deeply and they love each other. It has truly impacted me. They gave me space for my own opinions and always talked to me and discussed things I would question to give me a better understanding.”

She had to find Him to find herself.

God was not threatened by Maile’s attempts to morph her personality with story characters. He knew who Maile was from the inside out and pursued her heart with gentle patience, slowly revealing that Jesus is the only one who gives a fulfilling and eternal identity. She had to find Him to find herself.

“I remember feeling like I was drowning and was easily angered with my family. There were times when I did not like myself. School, sports, and friends overwhelmed me. I thought I had to forgive myself before God could forgive me. Then I realized that I needed a Savior.”

As Jesus revealed that he was the way to fulfillment, wholeness, and purpose, Maile decided it was time to surrender her pursuit of identity. All she had to do was trust-fall into the loving arms of Jesus, allowing him to change her into the Maile he made her to be.

“I realized I needed to surrender and ask God to forgive me.”

“I realized I needed to surrender and ask God to forgive me. I felt a change in my heart, and there was a change in the way I responded to my family. I enjoyed reading my Bible, I was excited about Sunday morning, and I was praying.”

As Maile’s faith began to grow, so did her relationships. She became more kind and more understanding with her friends and family. Sports and school no longer had a tight grip on her identity - it was okay to compete for fun and even lose once in a while. Most importantly, she stopped reading to become the character in her stories. She started to find satisfaction and even enjoyment in how God made her.

Maile entered the public school system for the first time this year, and she has already faced the loss of some relationships as a result of being bold about her new faith. She now knows that the One who matters most matters most to her, and that frees her from having to be anyone other than whom God created her to be.